There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
