Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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