he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
