Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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