so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
