Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
