if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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