Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
