If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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