i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
