just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
