the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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