woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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