If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
