I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
