I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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