i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
