If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
