i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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