well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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