Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
