are you so shy because you have an std?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
