My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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