Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
