I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
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I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
is it fun? or sober?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize