Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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