we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
