i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
