I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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