We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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