saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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