Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My feet surprised me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
