Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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