YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
