I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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