Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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