Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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