It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
