Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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