nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
