she smelled like a LAN party
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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