she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
