You're so nebulous sometimes
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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