Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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