I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
