you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize