oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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