she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
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