he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
