Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
