He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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