Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Pants are for mortals
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
