The best revenge is premature balding
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
