SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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