im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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