I can text with my tongue
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
