You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
