I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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