were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
