So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
