I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
