Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
