I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
